So now you show up. Its 3.30am. I’ve only had three and half hours sleep and now you have woken me. Why now Pain? Where were you before? Where were you when I was meant to have known you, during this stage one of illness that I seemed to have skipped? Are you Myeloma pain or chemo pain? Or universe forbid, something else pain? and sheesh, why butt pain? Is that your sense of humour? If it is, you are not very funny. Especially when my heat pack doesn’t stretch that far!
Though….now that I think about it. Thank you. Thanks for not showing up too much in the past. Yes, I’ve been in and out of physio so much that it had begun to feel like a second home. Friends sitting behind me in lectures were probably sick of my constant fidgeting and neck stretching. Yet in the scheme of things, I haven’t been in much pain at all over the years. I’m grateful for that. You haven’t stopped me doing the things I love. Until now. I love sleep and would like some more please!!!
Interesting that you show up tonight when I’m also fasting for a glucose test in the morning so am probably unable to take anything for the pain. Why is that? Having been so kind in the past, are you now going to make up for it? Will you get worse? Will you always be here? You do like to scare people. Scare me.
Do you fancy some mindfulness? I think you do. I think you need some deep, slow, compassionate and kind breaths, deep into the heart of you so that is what you are going to get. Take care Pain. I suspect you and may have to become firm friends before I send you on your merry way. Know this though. Good friends are soul food. They’re uplifting, inspiring, funny and kind so if you want to hang around for any length of time, you have to join that club. There is no room for draining and negativity here. Come on then. Let’s breath together and see what we can discover about ourselves. You, me and breath. Right here. Right now.
Acknowledgements:
Illustrations: Sapphire Weerakone
© 2017 Janine Hayward www.psychingoutcancer.com. All rights reserved.
I know you are a badass…but damn woman 🙂
That whole last paragraph. Wow !
Do you fancy some mindfulness? I think you do……
Mic drop !
Well… reading these posts on the train on a Friday morning not recommended. Laughing and crying not a good look. Keep it up lady. You’re doing a wonderful job in a truly pants situation. Jx
So much for you to take in J…and even that is an understatement! It took me 3 days to read and re read all your entries before leaving a comment. Just so glad you have a loving husband, family and friends around you through all of this. Brave, focused and generous to share so much insight into all you are going through. And not a bad writer either 😉 Lots of love your way xx hope Canada was a small respite.